Tag / kindergarten

by findingbackroads

What happened to kindergarten?

benjamin-homework

I was talking to my friend this morning who wanted another baby. She has one who just turned five years old so at this point in her life, everything is fine and dandy. Most of the time, at least. The thing is, though she really wants to have another baby, there’s this pressing thought at the back of her mind how tough it must be to start from zero again. (I started from zero again after 8 years so yes, I can validate her concerns.)

The things you have to go through again: pregnancy, possible morning sickness, the destruction of a million body tissues during child birth, the recovery afterwards (and if her luck is fucked like mine ending in emergency c-section…sorry)…those sleepless nights, the crying without reason spells (possibly colic so look it up), breastfeeding, weaning, toilet training, yada, yada, yada.

The list is long and to be honest, could be an effective birth control.

But in spite of it all, that newborn smell and that total baby MAGIC. That small being empowering you, making you think you’re a superwoman and can do it all. Can do it all over again.

I am writing this in tears.

My five year old son started kindergarten this month. Gone are the days at preschool when they would just sing Five Little Ducks and If you’re happy and you know it day in and day out. He is five years old –  far from being an infant so we have gone through the colicky stage, the fight to win my breasts back, the toilet training madness but the wonder of this thing called “parenting” is that it’s like you’re visiting an unknown town without a proper map.

Somehow you’re confident you’re going to be ok but the moment you think you’re going in the right direction, there is a surprise at a random corner. ALWAYS.

I’ve been through this once a little long time ago and boy, I can’t remember if it was this dramatic. Most probably it was but it’s just too long ago to remember. You know how they say anesthesia f*cks with your brain.

I just spent almost an hour helping Benjamin with his homework. RIGHT. Homework for kindergarten. Is that even a thing nowadays? Well, it seems so! Today his carer said Benjamin refused to do his homework: lower case letters a-z. If I am five years old, I would be ballistic too. Can you introduce me to a five year old who is maniacal obsessive about doing homework every night? If that’s your child, I would hate you. Sigh. No, I am joking. You tell me how it is done before I lose my mind. And you have to tell me real quick because I am on the verge of losing it.

And how many times was I on the verge of “losing it” in this 13 year parenting journey? Probably too much and too pathetic to count but that doesn’t mean I am immune to the feeling of failure, of being not good parent enough.

Benjamin is picked up by the school bus at 10:30 for his 11:30 class and then comes home at 4:30 in the afternoon. After what seems to be already a long day in the world of five year olds, there is a homework that needs to be done. When we’re supposed to read books or learn a new song or do silly stuffs that are fun stuffs, we sit down and do the darn homework..while he is already tired and surely running out of batteries.

My five year old son is struggling to write the alphabet.

“Benjamin needs to practice more. He cannot do it at school without the teacher’s help.” resonates inside my head over and over at work earlier this morning but I shrugged it off, telling myself,

He’s gonna be ok. He can’t go on like this – unable to write simple small letters! One fine day, he will get it. He will be able to write! I will not stress about it!

Well, boo hoo. I stressed about it. Heavily. I look at Benjamin’s older sister, my 13 year old daughter and I think: how did she survive this stage? What did I do before? Are girls really easier and more advanced than boys?

Now Benjamin is sleeping. He showed full force of resilience towards my nagging, didn’t say anything and just continued to do what he’s supposed to do, to complete his work so he could sleep but then when we finished, he had a very emotional outburst like his pet cat died or something. I bet he’s putting me in the list of his top most hated person in the world because as his mother, I wasn’t nice. I wasn’t patient. And he is not used to seeing me get angry.

I feel bad that I can’t help him help himself. I feel bad that I can’t help myself. When you’re a working mom, the last thing you would want your day to end is your kids resenting you.

(This is why from early on, I already know deep in my heart I could never become a teacher or I’ll probably end up in jail.)

benjamin-art

While alone in the living room contemplating on what just happened (me losing it, forcing my son to write, and to be brutally honest – screaming…what a shame) I am recognizing there’s a problem with me and then there could be a problem with my son. And then most importantly, THERE COULD BE A PROBLEM WITH THE CURRENT EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM.

HEAR ME OUT – don’t you feel that the kindergarten now is what 1st grade used to be? Therefore, if your child comes to school not knowing his letters he or she will be behind and not do well in school. The expectations for a child in kindergarten and every other grade has dramatically increased. Teachers have no choice on what to teach – they are told the expectations the children in their classes must meet whether we agree they are developmentally appropriate or not!!

And what choice do we really have, as parents, presented with a child’s homework that needs to be done no matter what the cost?

When I was 5, I played, had fun, and learned age-appropriate things. Heck, I did not even attend kindergarten! Unfortunately, that is not the case anymore. Now, the kindergartners in most schools  are mastering things that I did not even learn until higher grades.

By the end of kindergarten, they are expected to learn how to read, to analyze shapes, to compose writing prompts and much, much more. The expectations of kindergartners are getting much too high that it’s become stressful and unrealistic.

When I look at my son now, with excessive amount of homework every night, I am terribly envious of the joyful, illiterate kindergartners of Finland.

And I bet there are no mothers there going mad and crying while writing blogs like this, you know?

by findingbackroads

Update on Benjamin’s school 2

March 3 wm

This is a follow up post about our challenge in searching for a school to enroll Benjamin. We are facing difficulties with how the schools are assessing the student’s kindergarten readiness.

We cancelled our admission to one school which he passed a strict assessment that included a session with the school’s resident speech and behavior therapist. The school fees were too expensive for us. I know, I should have known before applying right? Yes, but the website didn’t mention all the “miscellaneous fees” that added 35% to the base tuition.

I continued to look for another school. There must be one out there for my son!

Benjamin is turning five years old in October this year (2016) and will be in Kindergarten 2 class (FS2). This poses a challenge due to the fact that the slots are few, especially in schools with fairly affordable fees. If the school has existing Kindergarten 1 students, slots for Kindergarten 2 depends on whether there will be kids who won’t enroll for the next school year. Or if the school decides to expand the number of classes for KG2 (which is less likely).

Long story short, I found another school that opened admissions for KG2. I visited the school and liked what I saw and I also asked around some parents who I know has children there. I paid the assessment fee of AED500 and waited for the schedule of assessment. We went this morning, with high hopes.

After a few assessments on his belt, I am proud to say that Benjamin has gotten the feel of the whole procedure. He was very relaxed amidst the crying children at the reception/waiting area. I am so happy for my boy! He was taken to a room with a teacher and we wait outside. I saw him walking confidently through the corridor, with a stranger holding his hand and he did not mind. I crossed my fingers.

After 30 minutes or so, I was called to see the foundation stage head teacher. Benjamin was seated in front of her desk, just waiting. He was still, with eyes fixed at the globe on top of the cabinet. Benjamin LOVES maps. (I have delayed buying a globe for him. I suddenly felt guilty.)

“Hi, thank you so much. I have to tell you Benjamin is really shy at first…” I started to explain ahead. The head teacher interrupted my nervous banter and answered,

“Oh no, Benjamin was really chatty. He wasn’t shy at all! He was very social!”

I swear I saw rainbows and unicorns when I heard that. I felt my cheeks burning. I envisioned him walking through the colorful school corridors with his favorite Thomas bag. My boy finally found his place!

But my joy was short lived.

“However mama, we have a problem. We have given him a WRITTEN TEST and I’m afraid to tell you he did not do well at all.”

My heart sank. Benjamin was looking around and talking to himself, pointing at the colorful murals this time, counting 1, 2, 3 loudly at the objects on the walls.

The teacher showed me the test paper. He was supposed to write all the letters of the alphabet and the numbers 1-10. There was even a section where they blanked out the letters to test if the child knows what letter comes after a certain letter. He was EXPECTED to have mastered gripping the pencil and writing the letters and numbers perfectly. At four. From the nursery, from home. What were they doing at the nursery?! I was asked.

March 1 wm

Although he brings home his worksheets from the nursery with completed tasks, I am very aware that Benjamin still lacks writing skills. His pencil grip is weak and when I ask him to practice at home (which I honestly will admit, I dread having him do “homework” at this age!), he says he is already tired.

Moms with kids at the nursery, tell me: Do kids at your nursery school WRITE a lot? Is that how nurseries should work? I feel so LOST.

“We only have 1 year before he goes to Year 1. There’s not much time. The children in Year 1 will be writing sentences and essays (seriously she said THAT). He will be left out at his rate right now if we accept him as is.”

Seriously, since when did Year 1 students write long sentences. And essays?!

March 2 wm

“But we will give you another chance. Practice his writing at home and you can come back in a month. We will give the written test again.”

To be continued.

(Photos posted here are taken at his nursery school and posted at the nursery’s Facebook page.)

by findingbackroads

It’s time we rethink about “kindergarten readiness”

Benja and Eli

The boy in red shirt is Benjamin. He is my 4 year old son. Does he look normal to you?

Yes, he looks normal because YES, he is normal. Except for lingering longer during the breastfeeding period, not knowing how to use the bottle and difficulty in potty training, I see nothing wrong with him. He is an active, chatty boy who is curious about everything, very lovable and very bright.

However, we have a slight problem. Maybe just a little bit of a late bloomer.

He is turning 5 years old late this year and it seems that no school (so far) wants to accept him for kindergarten. Why? Because they think that something is wrong with him. They have not made their concerns that clear and vocal but last year one of the schools we applied for told me, “he is not ready”.

We’ve been to a couple of schools for assessments if he is ready for the big school. The first one was last year to enroll him in kindergarten 1 (Foundation Stage 1). Prior to that, he was just staying at home so there were tears during assessment period and the school suggested we put him in a play school first.

So we did.

ben in nursery 1

After a few months at the playschool, his teacher says she thinks Benjamin is ready for the big school, he memorizes things quickly, he loves to play and can communicate his needs to his teacher and his play mates. She suggested we find a school for him so he can transfer.

We opted he spend the whole year in play school just to be sure (plus, it’s difficult to find schools that accept transfer students mid-year).

Now, registrations and assessments have started for the 2016-2017 school year. Benjamin went in for another assessment last week. Today I got a call and was giddy, thinking nothing but positive things.

But then they asked us to take him there again for FURTHER assessment next week. My God, he is not going to Harvard University! Why so rigid?

I already know the reason, the same as before – he is shy, not responding to any interrogation, maybe eyes on the floor, stiff and shy around other kids his age (that he doesn’t know), in an enclosed space of the classroom. Outside in the parks, he doesn’t care about the other kids but if you put him in a room with other kids, he will create his own world…until he warms up to them. It will take TIME and a few minutes of “assessment” won’t be able to see that he is perfectly FINE – if only they’d give him a chance! He also can’t write his name yet. Why? Because to be honest – I was not hard core in teaching him to write letters or color within borders or to memorize the alphabets or numbers (though we read a lot at home and play with maps because he loves it before he turned 2!).

I know so many parents becoming stressed out to get their child ready for kindergarten that sometimes they miss out on the wonderful moments of love, exploration, curiosity, and play.

ben in nursery 2

No matter how I explain to them that he is a normal boy at home and at places where he is familiar with the people around him (like in his nursery school), they will always judge the shy and aloof boy they see for a couple of minutes. I am upset because I don’t know what to do to make him less shy or to talk to strangers when they greet him hello (it’s very rare he answers back if he doesn’t know the person talking to him). But his nursery teacher says she finds no learning/behavioral disability.

I am afraid that at this rate, my son could not go to school because it seems that schools only accept the “easy” kids: immediately social and chatty and probably can already write their names. And Benjamin is not. It’s part of his personality that I cannot change, for now, even how hard I try.

Benjamin talks A LOT at home (up to the point of being noisy sometimes) and he sings the songs he learns at the nursery. He is ready for kindergarten, why would he not be? He even knows a lot of countries on the map through memorization since he cannot read yet!

Don’t you just wish all kindergarten teachers tell you, “The only thing I ask of parents is that they give their child all the love and care they can provide. I will teach them once they are in my class.”?

by findingbackroads

They do speeches in kindergarten now

I had the pleasure to watch my daughter give a speech on stage during her kindergarten graduation program yesterday. Yes, they give speeches in kindergarten now. She was chosen to represent her class.

She had to memorize a long speech (long one for 5 year old to memorize in a week, anyway) – it was around 150 words. We practiced line by line until she can recall all even in her sleep. I am amazed how fast she memorized all the words, I am blown away at how she’s doesn’t mind every bit of it. Everything was going well and I thought, then we can only work on one thing – stage fright, if ever she has that.

Do young, small people have those nervous feelings? I wonder.

As a mom, I had been biting all my nails off since we got that speech on paper. What if she’ll never memorize all of it? What if she forgets? What if she feel so scared in the middle of delivering that speech? So many what ifs to deal with, I haven’t slept in a week.

ready-for-speech1

~ holding the microphone, getting ready to deliver her speech ~

Yesterday, the big moment came and my girl delivered. She did it so well I could cry. There was no trace of fright or nervousness, just pure enthusiasm and pride! She got all her lines which means she has a pretty good memory, I have a good memory. Speaking in front of a crowd did not scare her, this she got from her dad! We should celebrate!

giving-speech-4

~ recalling the lines, delivering the speech ~

in graduation robe

Everyone was listening to her words. She looked at me (I was taking photos) and looked at her dad (busy with taking the video) and smiled, took a deep breath and just went on talking. It was kind of hurried though, a little robotic, if you must say but she got all the words and she did not freeze!

Last night as I was tucking her to bed, she confessed, “Mom, I know I was going too fast.”

I told her it was ok and she was brilliant.

“But you know what mom? I wanted to talk more slowly but my heart was beating so fast my mouth had to catch up!”

I wanted to laugh so hard but kept it to myself! The kid was indeed nervous but she pulled it off! But imagine how hard it must be to try to catch up with a racing heart!

with-certificate

~ proudly showing her graduation certificate ~

Congratulations to my sweet girl for completing kindergarten (Foundation Stage)! Now she is so ready for Year One, with full speed ahead!

* I screwed up by taking lots of blurred photos. Either hands were too shaky, or had camera settings messed up or both! *

by findingbackroads

Now officially a kindergartner

After two months of waiting and looking out the window to see if her school bus has come, she finally got her wish.

We got everything ready last night, her new school uniform, her new socks and shoes and her old Cinderella bag (she wouldn’t want to have any other bag than the Cinderella bag!).

At 6 am, I woke my daughter up and with closed eyes she whispered to me, “No mom, stay with me. Let’s not go to school today and please don’t go to work.” I told her we’ll just snuggle up on Friday morning but now we have to wake up because her friends are waiting for her. At the sound of the word “friends”, she immediately got up and said, “School! school!”

She started school last March as a listener (unofficial KG1 because she is under-aged) because we could not keep her  at home any longer as she is used to going to the daycare when were were in Japan. She loves to be busy, draw and play the whole day, sing songs and be with other kids. When she started school in Dubai, she was a little bit shy, with the language barrier keeping her from expressing herself fully during the first days. After a few weeks, though she was the youngest, she was has the loudest singing voice and the most cheerful (read: talkative) in her class. Now, she is more confident and speaks English very well, thanks to my mother who stayed with her at home and tirelessly listened to her talks and encouraged her to talk more.

All dressed up and ready, I helped my daughter get on her bus. She waved us goodbye with a wide smile on her face – – much like Cinderella getting her wish come true.

Then my husband and I ran to get our own buses. I had no time to get mushy this morning. My little daughter is not so little anymore – – and it just got to me now when I saw the pictures.