Potty Training could send me to therapy


At the home front, we’re into this un-glorious phase of POTTY TRAINING. And it is not going so well. I’m telling myself over and over again, “It may take time but it won’t last forever.”

I pride myself for having the bigger bucket of patience in between my husband and I. I can bear difficult things. I’ve gone through a lot of trials in life and in parenting and have come out a survivor. I rarely yell at my kids and I don’t have to really, they are basically, incredibly and unbelievably great kids…most of the time. But REAL TALK: I am at the edge of my wits with Benjamin with regards to potty training. It was a whole lot easier with Pristine when she was younger but maybe I just feel that it was easy because it was more than 10 years ago and I have forgotten the unpleasant memories?

We’ve been potty training for quite a while now but with very little success. Do I need to read a lot of books and online articles to make this perfect? To succeed?

Some would say that if things are not working out for a week, the child might not be ready. And this is the fact that I am not ready to accept because Benjamin is already FOUR years old. As a background, he seems to be late in so many things: talking, weaning off breastfeeding only when he was over 2 and being social with people (he is still very shy).

I am frustrated. I am upset and I have lost my mood to do anything else than write this stupid post.

Right now, we are kind of succeeding with the pee part. Still “kind of” because we still have to take him to the toilet at fixed times to pee. He has not initiated he will go yet, although he would act strangely by holding his crotch so we need to pay attention to prevent leaks.

So there’s a small success in the pee part. The poo part, however, we have zero progress. He only tells us if he has soiled his underwear already and he gets disgusted by it and removes it himself, hurriedly, sending the poo rolling/splattered on the floor. {sorry if any of you are eating while reading this}

I’ve spent a few hours reading articles and experiences from moms but I honestly think this is one of those subjects where its hard to take advice from people because every child is different. This morning, Benjamin poo-ed in his underwear (again). I wanted to cry as I was cleaning him. I work full time but Fridays and Saturdays are my days off. He has a carer for the days I am not home but I could feel her frustration. I was crying while cleaning him up – because I raised my voice even I know I shouldn’t. And I was firm in telling his carer not to scold the kid when he messes up because it could lead to regression of the whole potty training process yet here I am, breaking my own rule.

After a few minutes, Benjamin was very quiet, he fully knows I am upset. I am upset with him but more like, I am upset with myself. Where was the mantra I always take into heart: “This too shall pass”? it flew out of the window the minute poo dropped on the floor.

I always gently tell him, where do we do this business? And he answers, “toilet”. Promise? “Promise” yet he never keeps his promise. WHY, why, why? And he looks at me with those apologetic puppy dog eyes.

Every child eventually learns. Potty training is frustrating, but I know AND hope it will have an end to look forward to. SOON.

One Comment

  1. Ah, I feel you. My elder was 4 when she finally gave up the diaper. Toilet training was hard as she refuses routines. Even now that she’s 7, things that should have been SOP for her already still sometimes needs reminding…or finally shouting, much as her Dad and I didn’t want to.

    Back to the training, perhaps you can try to make him sit in the toilet, after meals, and make this activity not negotiable, to help him form this habit? We don’t really want to be harsh, but sometimes, some tough love might just be what the kid needs too.

    I remembered the turning point for the daughter when Dad and I made her clean up after herself and her mess 3-4 times when she refused going and then leaked within 5 min after saying she didn’t want to. After that, she sits even without telling her. Guess she liked that more than wearing dirty and wet clothes, and she wiping the floor with rolls of paper towels and wipes, with the parents asking whether she prefers being stinky and cleaning after her mess when it’s easier to use the toilet. 🙂

    Is your son also like this when your husband is around? His carer and you might actually need more reinforcement from your husband to make B heed the toilet training.

    As you said, it’s different for every child, and to my younger, it certainly was. It was a breeze for her. At three, she was playing with an app in potty training. Within a week, she was imitating the game character – going to toilet after food, and when the character goes, she also goes, just sitting down even if she wasn’t really doing anything. She’s just as stubborn as her elder sister, but she’s more cooperative in general. Her being more curious to learn something new had immensely helped her in getting trained.

    Ah, my post is too long! LOL! Grace, your B is smart, sure of that. He will soon get trained. Maybe just a little more push 🙂



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