It’s Mother’s Day and I’m the bad person tonight

mother and daughter

It’s Mother’s Day and I came home from a full day’s work. It’s 37 degrees Celsius (98.6F) in Dubai at 6 pm. Our house is a good 20 minutes walk from the nearest Metro station. I am drenched in sweat. Sunday is normal work day in the UAE (Middle East) so don’t be surprised why I am reporting for work on a Sunday – as do other holidays like Easter Sunday or Christmas…those are working days as well.

My preteen hands me out a birthday invitation from one of her classmates. It’s going to be in one of the popular facility with huge trampolines where you can jump all you can, with friends. She’s excited. I am certainly not.

I know I am guilty of being what’s called a semi (not full blown!) “helicopter parent”, especially when it’s about safety. I hover too much, especially when we are in the water, when they are young and incapable. I had been called overprotective and strict when I refused my 7 year old to go to the movies alone with her classmate.

I had to gather strength to politely say no to this particular birthday invitation and I see the disappointment in her eyes. I can’t blame her – if I was her age, I would sulk too and I did when I was younger. There had been countless times I was not permitted to go out with my friends because my parents foresee danger. I’ve never done sleepovers. EVER.

At this point I think I’m beginning to sound like my parents, specifically my father. We were watching a news program one night in the 80’s, I think I was about 12 or 13 and the news anchor talks about a group of teenager drowning in the river (or was it beach? I couldn’t remember) and here’s what my father said, “If those boys and girls stayed at home, they could have been alive now.”

Why did we say no to this invitation of a day of fun with giggling preteens jumping on trampolines?

Along with the invitation card, the venue of the party she will be attending included a waiver in which parents/guardians need to sign. It read:

“You acknowledge that the activity is potentially dangerous and that by participating in the activity the child will be exposed to the possibility of personal injury.”

“You acknowledge that the recreational activities can be dangerous with many inherent risks and hazards. As a consequence personal injury, and sometimes fatality, can occur. You voluntarily assume and accept all such risks and waive the right to sue the facility for any personal injury or fatality by signing the facility’s waiver form.”

…basically, they could not be held liable for whatever happens with the child within their facility.

I won’t judge parents who readily sign those kind of waiver forms in the name of FUN. But I simply cannot sign it and hand over my child there. My child could hate me…I am sure she already does as I write this post. I am on the fence to be soft to let her understand that I am not that entity that robs her of all the fun, that I am mainly concerned of safety because I wish for us to be together longer. And that she can still have fun with minimal risk, without that scary waiver hovering over her parents head and driving them crazy until the party is over.

We could argue all day long that ALL activities pose some kind of danger. Your call. But mine too. Your child, my child.

As real and raw as this sounds, trying to strike a balance between honoring our kids, pushing them to fly, and protecting them is a challenge. I can already imagine it being more difficult from now on. Tonight, someone in my house thinks I am a bad person, the taker of joy. She doesn’t say anything but I can read her mind and it’s all in her eyes.

Our daughter is 11. We don’t have any issues with birthday parties held at home/restaurants, etc or pool parties with adult supervision but we abhor signing waivers from facilities that wash hands from any liabilities that could arise.

Top photo credit

5 thoughts on “It’s Mother’s Day and I’m the bad person tonight

  1. I understand you Grace, I guess it’s takes another mother to understand one mother like you. Pristine will understand in time. She will appreciate that you were being consistent of the rules and regulations with regards to these things.
    Happy Mother’s Day! Still what you did and your decision shows that love of a mother she has for her child. God bless ????

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  2. This is a thought provoking post. I truly understand your concern since I am just like you. However, I recollect a scary moment when my brother insisted that my son should play in the inflated-jumping castle which was not appropriate for his age. He was really scared and never wanted to use it, but my brother and husband were telling me that I am feeding my son’s fears and let him inside. He climbed up the castle and was scared to get down and can you believe, the power went off for a few minutes! I just can’t relive that moment, it was just so scary and my son had a very disturbed sleep that night, crying all night long.

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  3. Belated Happy Mothers’ Day Grace! I hope Pristine feels better about it now. Trampoline parks are evil! I had a bad accident last year during my sister’s birthday (yes we act like 12 year olds), and I had to wear a moon boot for a week. The hospital that treated me told me that they suspect that trampoline indoor park has a hospital or foot therapy business from the amount of people that it sends to them!
    Anyhow Im sure when Pristine gets older she will thank you for being protective. She seems to be a well rounded kid so in time she’ll understand. I was the same when I was growing up, I only ever had 1 sleepover and that was when I was already 19, and even then it was an emergency (long story) as to why.

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  4. I used to dislike my mom whenever she didn’t allow me to go out with friends and attend parties. But now that I am a mother myself – I understood where she was coming from.

    Kailee is starting nursery in a few weeks and I am scared, nervous, excited and happy. A mix of emotions honestly. I will no longer be the center of her life. She will get influenced by friends and teachers and I am truly scared of that. My mom raised me well, I thank her for that every day. I wasn’t a bad kid, I guess I made the right decisions (even if I was cursing her silently) but ultimately, I wasn’t insecure or peer pressured into situations.

    I’m sure P will understand it eventually. Not now, but someday.

    Katakot naman yang waiver na yan! I have a friend who allowed her son to go to Active Fun (something similar but for younger kids) and he broke his arm. the management was very cold saying they signed a waiver. That’s it. And she did, so alam mo yun? Guilt.

    Anyways, hang in there! Mas mamahalin tayo ng mga anak natin pagdating ng panahon..

    Love, Didi

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