I simply cannot go on another day without writing. It’s been more than a week since I last wrote on this blog and it feels like years. I feel empty, I feel bad for not having to ‘connect’ with my blog readers (if any of you are still there?). Most of all, I feel that I have lost my voice. Writing frequently enables me to effortlessly translate my thoughts into words and skipping to write for the longest time ever feels strange. I don’t know where to start.
But I’ll start anyway.
I’ve been busy with real life, offline life – work that it hurts. It hurts not to do anything else but…work. Day in and day out, it’s work, work, work and no play. I don’t even have washroom times anymore I’m thinking of converting my office chair to a toilet bowl.
I rarely talk about work in this blog, in the fear of being dooced but so much has been going on lately that I have come to a point where I needed to vent. I need psychological air and this blog has provided me that for years.
Do you know that feeling of dreading to wake up on week days because you dislike going to work? It’s been six years since I started working here and recently, for the first time, my head hurts when I think about work. I’ve been assuming new job responsibilities after a colleague repatriated back to his home country. I’m drowned in paper work that requires tedious focus. Check this, check that. Email this, email that. Answer the phone while checking stuff and writing emails.
It is not fun anymore. I don’t even have time to eat chocolates. I even started drinking coffee. (I am no coffee drinker)
I’ve read somewhere: “If you love what you’re doing, it won’t feel like work at all.”
I wish I love what I’m doing but to be honest, I don’t. I can do it and will do it but only because it pays the bills. Somehow I find that thought pathetic. You can all collectively say to my face, “then find another job!” to which I pathetically reply: “I don’t even have time to update my CV”.
The people at work are nice and I say this not only to redeem myself from saying work had been sucking out my soul lately. It’s true – the hardest thing about leaving this job is the people around me. The work load is just too much to bear. I need a clone.
What have you all been up to? I hope whatever is it, you’re having a good time.