1. Fear – The trip to the airport on baby’s sleeping time. The probable cries of hunger and demand of feeding regardless if I’d be covered or not (boob flashing could get me in trouble so yeah, tough). The long hours on the plane, the number of diaper changes I need to make, yada, yada, yada…
2. Denial (camouflaging as positive self talk) – I can do this. I mean everyone’s doing this. Surely a mom has traveled around the world with a small baby in tow! This is not the first time this happened. I can do this!
3. Facing Reality – No, I can’t do this. Being in a plane for a total of 16 hours with a small baby is difficult. It’s either I go crazy or the other passengers would. I hear baby wails have a decibel level high enough to interrupt the plane’s navigation controls. I can’t be responsible for any mishap.
4. Guilt – What am I doing? I’m being a coward! Am I robbing my in-laws, relatives and friends back home of the chance to see the baby in person – I mean, duh, photos in Facebook sometimes don’t suffice. And my in-laws do not know what Facebook is. Neither do they email.
5. Depression – Not going on this trip would mean, I would not be going at least until the husband’s next paid vacation – which means in another year. It’s been 4 years since I have been to my birth country and 3 years since I’ve not been to my second home (in Japan). I feel like I’m in prison. Help. I am a new mom, I seriously need a vacation.
Shut up. My 90 days maternity leave was NOT a vacation!
6. Acceptance – Fine. Life goes on. The husband must be eating our favorite ramen in Japan right now. That’s fine. Go fatten yourself, honey. I’ll just be here content with the baby. Really.
7. Regret – I should’ve been braver. How could it be too difficult? As long as I take along my boobs, the baby should be ok. He can cry alright inside the plane alright and annoy passengers but it’s not like I’m going to meet those people every day of my life! And seriously people, make use of the free booze on the plane!
The husband will go on a two week trip to Japan, in which he ‘gentlemanly’ asked if I could go too, with baby in tow. I said yes!, then I said no, said yes again and finally said no!