She’s a mom, I’m a mom

I’m living with my mother since May 2007, a few months after we relocated in Dubai. She’s been a great help for me – taking care of my daughter after school, cooking when I’m sick, just being there to me. I am so grateful.

But there are times when my mom forgets one very important thing: that Pristine is my daughter and not hers.

temperature

Last Friday (weekend in the UAE and our dayoff), Pristine had fever. It was the first for this year and probably the worst. She had been complaining of throat pain, having difficulty to swallow thus wasn’t able to eat properly and had a very high fever to the tune of 39C (102.2F). My mom left for church as she always does on a Friday and told me Pristine had Paracetamol at 7am. Later, Pristine wasn’t showing any symptoms, she was as usual perky, chatty, nothing sicky about her at all. We even baked cookies.

At noon time, she was starting to have temperature again so I gave her Paracetamol. We read books in bed and took a nap. Moments later, I was awakened by a jerking motion – she had febrile convulsion attack.

Febrile convulsion happens when a child’s temperature rapidly increases in a short time*. It was so scary to see and although I have seen it a few times before (first when she was 18 months that I had to call an ambulance in Japan), I was still terrified to see my daughter stiff, unconcious and lips turning blue. Thank God the seizure stopped after 20 seconds and color came back to her face.

* The child’s risk of febrile convulsion rises if they are genetically predisposed to it i.e., if a parent or both parents suffered febrile convulsions as a child.

After that, I wasn’t able to do anything except watch her closely. The last time she had febrile convulsion was when she was 2 and a half years old and doctors say it would stop occurring usually once the child reaches five. Pristine turned six last December 2009. Febrile convulsion can be prevented with a medicine called Diazepam but this is classified as a controlled drug in the UAE and not readily available (they refuse to prescribe it), unlike in Japan. So whenever Pristine has fever, we can only rely on Paracetamol, Voltaren, cold pads and lots and lots of prayers.

My mother came home at 7 pm. I told her about my ordeal (I had to deal with it alone because M went out to buy something) and how scared I was. You know what I got? SCOLDING. I was already feeling small and inadequate and the last time I would want to hear was scolding and blaming – “you didn’t take care of her properly!” or “why didn’t you give her Paracetamol immediately even before she had fever! (huh?)” or the extremely uber emotional, “this would not have happened if I was the one at home taking care of her!”

I wanted to cry right there. Ok, maybe she just loved Pristine so much as a grandma but still.

She forgets that of all the people in the world who wants the best for my daughter, looks after her best welfare is me, her mother. What kind of mother would want her child to suffer? Sometimes I feel that my own mother belittles me just because I have only one child and she has six. That I’m less of a mother than her because of that.

It’s been two days but I’m still hurt and while wrapping up this post, I realize…this is such an inappropriate post for Mother’s Day.

16 thoughts on “She’s a mom, I’m a mom

  1. Happy mother’s day grace! and to your mom too…. btw, just take it easy— we are generations apart from our moms but we know deep in our hearts that they love us unconditionally and their perspective is just different from ours…
    .-= bin´s last blog ..Manang?. at 34 =-.

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  2. Kun ako naa sa imong case grace, I would not know what to do if mag febrile convulsion ang bata! everything I learn almost always disappears if the persons concerned are my children.. I hope Pristine is ok now and nothing of that sort happens again in the future… That was very brave of you to know what to do at the moment she needs you badly… and lastly, over protective lang si grandma…

    The first time Pristine had it, I did not know what to do except run to the telephone and dial emergency. Ambulance came immediately and I Pristine was in my arms, unconcious (or in very deep sleep)..

    .-= bin´s last blog ..Manang?. at 34 =-.

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  3. Grace sending you lots of hugs. You are an amazing mother and febrile seizures take a lot out of us. Take my word, I know too well. My oldest had one at 11 months old and turned blue. At almost 7, I still worry about him when his temperature goes up. At 9 months old my youngest had one, turned gray and did not start breathing on his own. My mother had to do mouth to mouth on him. Thanks to a strong family history we knew the boys were likely to have them. Now my little guy is going to be three this coming week and he has had four of them. The hardest part with most kids that have them is knowing the fever is there. My boys would be cool as a cucumber and them second later spike upwards of 102+ degrees. Also know that cooling their bodies too quickly can cause a febrile seizure. When our little guy is sick we rotate between acetaminophen and ibuprofen to keep things in check along with washcloths on his forehead, thighs and armpits. Hoping that this was just an isolated event for Pristine and you never have it happen again. If you need anything, you know how to get me. Happy Mother’s Day.

    Thank you so much for your kind words!! Pristine had her first episode when she was 18 months and I didn’t know what to do except dial emergency. We were alone at home. Ambulance came and we got on it. I arrived in the hospital in shorts and t-shirt without my bra on!! I was in panic & totally forgot everything. It was so embarassing.

    Thank you for the tips as well. My mother tend to try to cool the fever down rapidly so that’s scary. I’ll tell her it’s not good. I didn’t think Pristine would have seizures again now that it’s been three years since the last attack and that she’s already past six years old. I am obviously wrong. I will be very vigilant from now on.

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  4. Happy Mother’s Day, Grace! You know, sometimes in the heat of worry people say things they shouldn’t. I think this probably was the case. Please do not let it worry you.

    For some fun, Check out Dackel Princess. I have an entry up about Einstein, the World’s Smallest Horse! Even a video. I think you can see the pictures on Facebook on the blog they are fed through Flickr.
    .-= Maribeth´s last blog ..Einstein =-.

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  5. Normally grand parents ARE like that.
    I once heard a grandma say that she cares for, spend more time, play etc, with her grand daughter more than she did for her OWN children, as she didn’t have enough time then (due to work etc)
    so the grand kids maximize their love; often creating instances like this.

    please don’t take it so seriously, you love your daughter, there is no one to doubt about it, but grand moms…………. well……, will be……. grand moms….. I guess!

    I guess this is the case! It just irritates me sometimes. Also, it’s not my habit to lash back at my mother so she’s really “free” to say anything to me. *sigh*

    .-= PeachRainbow´s last blog ..Win $40 Gift Certificate! =-.

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  6. Well, happy mother’s day anyway, Grace – for you and your mom. I’m sure she meant well and she was probably just as scared as you were (this convulsion stuff sounds pretty scary to me, even though I’m no mom). Sometimes mothers drive us up the wall and sometimes they hurt us inadvertently, it’s only human. But still, life wouldn’t be the same without them around. 🙂

    Life without them around wouldn’t be the same…that is why no matter what she says to me, I have never, ever lashed back. I prefer to cry in secret than hurt her feelings. Sometimes it sucks but I just gotta swallow it and write a blog post to prevent my heart from exploding.

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  7. inappropriate jud! lols. samok kaau o nag apil2 sa comment sa akong post sa fb. tama pod, apil ka nag banat n c! garaon kaau cya. feeling kaau mag greet sa akoa og advance happy mother’s day!. cya ra raba expectant amahan na hapit. hehe.

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  8. well , I know the feeling too, even I am not a mom yet. The mom is the closet person to use in the world, and so, they say the truth( I mean, what they feel, think without lye), and we angry or feel dispointed about what they say. Because they are the most closet person.
    If other person say that, we will not as angry as that..

    anyway, have a nice day.

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  9. Happy Mothers Day to you and all the Moms.

    I understand your feelings since I am also suffering from it but I would must say this that we are not yet Grandmother so we may not know what kind of feeling she would be having. I remember my mothers word always when my niece was just 1year old My mother always used to say that their is a proverb I dont know exactly but it was like ” one love interest more than Original.”

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  10. (((hugs))) That could not have been easy for you. Not to see your daughter in such a state and definitely not when your mom didn’t support you, like you needed her to.
    .-= Melany´s last blog ..Speechless =-.

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