by findingbackroads

Arranged marriage, would you?

indian wedding hands

It’s been three years since I came to Dubai and worked for this present company. Since then, 5 of my work colleagues have gotten married through arranged system – they declare their wish to be married to their parents, their parents find a “match” and then the wedding is held. Some took a year to happen while others, only a few days.

Next month, another colleague will go back to India to get married. He had been wanting to get married since last year, saying “I will get married in April 2010” and when asked if he has a girlfriend, he says no. He talks of marriage with such conviction and certainty like someone going out to market and buy bananas.

Arranged marriage is still a very common practice in India and in some other parts of the world. It is not uncommon for couples to only see each other during the wedding ceremony. As someone who has been raised in a different country and culture where “love” or “attraction” is an essential part in choosing a lifetime partner, I am in awe of people who get into arranged marriages. It’s either they are submissive to their cultural and social norms, respectful of their parent’s wish or simply brave enough to face the unknown – which in this case, not just the marriage thing but the spouse as well.

20 Comments

  2. I wouldn’t marry at all, arranged or not. But then, you knew that already, right? 😉
    I don’t know if it’s braver to agree to an arranged marriage than go out and date, but I think both options have the same probability of failing or succeeding (although for different reasons).

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  5. Mine was an arranged marriage. My parents first asked if there was anyone I would like to introduce them to, and since there wasn’t any, I said, no. That’s when they asked me if I was okay with an arranged one, and I said, yes. But, after I was introduced to the guy (who is now my husband of 3 years), I was allowed to get to know him. We went out – chaperoned, of course – and talked on the phone a lot. It was around 6 months later that we got married. I think I fell in love 2 months after meeting him for the first time 🙂
    .-= nadia´s last blog ..And This Was How We Met Them for Dinner =-.

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  7. Hi, Grace! Long time no talk. I love, love, love your new blog layout. Beautiful! If you haven’t seen my new blog lately, come on over and visit (and update your blogroll if you have one!).

    I was born and raised a Muslim, and my father attempted to arrange a marriage for me. I wouldn’t have anything to do with it. I was 19 and living in a vanilla American suburb in Michigan. He was 33 and lived in California. None of us had met him — he came by recommendation of our extended family. I refused, and was told to leave home as a result. I packed up a few bags of my stuff… took the beat-up car I owned… and left. I never went back. I never once regretted it, either. It’s been a hard journey, but now at this point in my life it was all absolutely worth it.

    I think it’s much easier for someone to do that when they’ve been born and raised in a similar environment, where a girl’s friends and cousins and neighbors all are doing the same thing. In my case, my friends were heading off to college dorms and planning for their futures. It was as foreign a concept to me as is living in an Amish community is to a New Yorker living in Manhattan.

    Great post (beautiful photo). Hope all is well and that you’re loving your new home!

    Hugs,
    ~Maria

    Thank you very much for sharing your story. You were very brave to stand up against your traditional and social norms in the past. I’m so proud of you and so glad that decision helped you become the happier person now!

    .-= Maria´s last blog ..Cleaning Products =-.

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  11. This is definitely a very good topic to blog about-Honestly, I really didn’t know it was still very common in another part of the world! I can’t say whether I would be able to do it or not because I fully believe in the fact that everything happens for a reason, but then I’m also a believer of the whole love and attraction thing as well.
    It’s a tough call for me I suppose; If these people choose arranged marriages, more power to them 🙂

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  14. I think its better to have love marriage than arrange.The advantage of love marriage is that we will get excellent opportunity to know behavior,habit and every thing of that girl/boy.Everyone convert their love into marriage only after having confidence that i can conduct my life with her/his.So its important to know activity of that person before going to get marry.So love marriage is appropriate in this case.Interesting to read your blog and its my pleasure to put some few words here.Thanks.

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    1. I think its better to have love marriage than arrange.The advantage of love marriage is that we will get excellent opportunity to know behavior,habit and every thing of that girl/boy.Everyone convert their love into marriage only after having confidence thati can conduct my life with her/his.So its important to know activity of that person before going to get marry.So love marriage is appropriate in this case.Interesting to read your blog and its my pleasure to put some few words here.Thanks.  

      Then why divorce rate is so higher in countries where people partners by themselves?
      .-= Why´s last blog ..Why is Blood red? =-.

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  15. Hi Grace, love your new blog design. ( did love the different photo everyday on your other blog in the corner though) arranged marriages is interesting but I would never have wanted MY PARENTS picking. lol. Have you gone and witnessed one of these marriages yet since you have lived in Dubai?

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  16. Sometimes, for something like marriage, some do prefer it’s arranged for them and just comply, to be hassle free of dating, heartaches and all that …

    The attempts for arranged marriage is more common than you think, even for the less traditional society or those society that actually don’t seem to have arranged marriages like ours. When the child turns over-30 and still don’t have prospects, doesn’t the parents try to arrange dates for their kids for the purpose of marriage? How about those matchmakers and dating sites, aren’t they sort of – arranging marriages? The only difference I can see, is that – you can bail out without consequences, compared to those society that actually practices arranged marriages as a family tradition.

    Personally I don’t like my parents or any family member be involved in my selection process for marriage. But I do know a few Filipino couple in my hometown, whose marriages were arranged for them by their parents. They are still together, and they seem to get along well with their spouses.

    And I have heard from reliable sources that – in India, arranged marriages has greater success compared to love marriages.
    .-= Charlotte (Life’s a Charm!)´s last blog ..Lovely Baby Shower =-.

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