Giving without empathy


I‘d like to thank everyone who jumped in and commented, enlightened, helped me decide what to do with a colleague in jail. I appreciate that you took the time and shared your thoughts, I’m so blessed to have you all.

I have replied to individual comments through email but I thought, I’d like to share what I have decided here.


In the end, I did give money, small amount however and put it in the envelope. Someone in the office collected it and would be buying food and telephone cards for our jailed colleague. But to be honest, although I gave financial help, it wasn’t from my heart.  It’s the first time that I’m giving something without emotions attached to it – and though I really like to make it ok, I’m not good at faking it. It was all out of pressure from people around me – which really doesn’t feel nice. I felt bad but I know I would’ve felt worse if I hadn’t given anything.

The comments on the post were amazing. Some were mentioning to be compassionate as a Christian, to think that I’m just a human too and capable of making mistakes, to forgive, give money and go on with my life. On the other hand, one commentor from Dubai  said,

he (jailed colleague) is being taken care of better than some of this city’s construction workers and at least he doesn’t have to toil for 10 hours before being allowed to eat!!

It’s an eye opener because it’s so true. There are lots and lots of people needing help, I don’t even need to look far, they are there in the streets, digging and toiling under the heat of the sun, working for more than 12 hours and no one cares if they have a decent food to eat at the end of the day.

I won’t make this post longer than it is. Bottom line, I pitched in, most of my colleagues did (not all!) and I hope jail time will serve as a lesson for him, to rethink and reassess his life and the people he hurt.

Top photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

17 thoughts on “Giving without empathy

  1. I remember reading the post but had decided not to share my thoughts because i would have told you not to give him money. I feel the same as you and totally understand what you did and where you are coming from because i would probably have done the same ended up giving him a small amount and felt nothing later.

    The thing is he dug his hole and he now is lies in it why do i have to feel sorry for him?! If i really want to help someone i would help the poor, the needy, the homeless, the sick the list is endless…

    What really gets to me is this guy had his chance and was fortunate yet he made the wrong choices knowing very well he has to bare the consequences and yet went along probably knowing that he is going to get away with it somehow!

    I cant stand such people who seem to take everything for granted, assuming that there is ALWAYS going to be someone to lend a helping hand. I truly hope that this is a WAKE UP lesson for him but somehow i just feel him thinking “i better be careful next time”

    .-= Mayya @ Sew Chic and Unique´s last blog ..Feature it Wednesday Table Runner =-.


    • I know Ramadan, Islam and zakat..but that jailed guy’s situation is just so wrong! I’ve heard rumors that his wife is asking for divorce and he’s asking for donation from us for telephone cards so he can call her…but you know what, I’m going to be firmer this time and say no.


  2. I think giving your hard earned money, any amount, and not really wanting to, may end up eating at you more than not giving in. I agree with Mayya-I think the poor, needy and sick. THere are children who are innocent and could use a good meal or some clothes. This guy doesn’t need anything. He will be treated pretty well. I admire your decision though and the thought that you put into it before making a decision. Hopefully your colleague will appreciate all.



    • Thank you for sharing your comment, Jeff. Yes, he is ok in jail and I really didn’t see why he needed more decent food or clothes but I still hope he’s happy with the little amount we contributed for him. Hope he’ll appreciate the bother that I have to fight with my conscience and ask for advice from people because I was so torned when I was handed with the envelope.


  3. I remember once feeling pressured into financially pitching in to help out a co-worker who needed medical care. If it were someone I were friends with, I would have had no problem with it. However, I really didn’t know this person very well. In the end, I did pitch in. I hope others would do the same if I needed help.

    In your case, it was a difficult situation because he did this to himself. I just hope he’s not taking advantage of everyone’s kindness.

    .-= kailani´s last blog ..Help Your Kids ?Play Safe? This Fall =-.


    • Sometimes it’s really hard to give..and it’s not about the’s about how we feel about giving. You were kind to give something to someone in need. I’m sure people around you will do the same if ever you need help.


  4. Wow, I’ve been out of circulation (too many road bumps on a Harley!) for so long, I had to go back to read the story. Darn it! I didn’t get to give my advice and you know I love giving other people advice 🙂
    So I went back to read the post about your colleague and wondered …. what would I have done?
    A couple years ago I decided that I was no longer going to give to organizations and causes that I really didn’t believe in. As you say, there are so many that need help.
    Now I have three organizations that I give to typically and the rest? I apologize and say, “I’ve got my charities of choice, thank you.”
    I don’t care if they like it or not.


  5. Even though this man doesn’t really deserve what he is getting from you all, maybe this will show him what compassion is and help him to change his ways…?
    One could only hope!
    And I’m sorry to hear that that is what it’s like where you live–We are all having a rough time, but knowing it is one thing. Seeing it physically like that is a complete other.

    .-= Kayla´s last blog ..For the Love of Vintage-Bluebell =-.


    • but here’s still better than in Manila. I don’t live in Manila but have to make a stopover whenever I visit the family home down south of the Philippines. There are plenty of beggars on the streets and street children. The first time I took my hubby there, he was speechless. Next, when Pristine saw all the children, she was heartbroken and I was bombarded with a thousand and one questions…


  6. Everybody deserves a second chance. I can tell that you give your money away without empathy but would you imagine how much jail colleague will be helped with the money you donated. Yes Its really an eye opener since many are much needed a financial aid. But if you imagine how hard to be in a prison. We don’t know what s really inside of it or what might happen in there. And just imagine how will they appreciated every cent we will donate for them. Also there are many people inside jail was said to be innocent but still sometimes unjustice happens to someone who can’t defend himself for justice. Imagine how hard to be inside those railings.


  7. What would Jesus do? Really?! He would have visited him in prison and counsel him for comfort. If you have done that, maybe, just maybe, you would feel better and more spiritually about giving – your time and a listening ear, rather than giving him your money. It’s meaningless to give him money. That is not what he really needs anyway. He doesn’t need money and good food in jail. What he needs is a lot of time in jail to think about what he has done, all the abuse he did to his wife with his womanizing, and all the money he spent for his other woman that steals away from his kids’ future. Can you tell?! I really don’t have any compassion for him! Not one bit …

    .-= Charlotte (Life’s a Charm)´s last blog ..A Letter to My Baby =-.


  8. Grace, I can completely understand what you did and why you did what you did. I probably would have done the same thing. You are a kind hearted person who tries to see the good in everyone and hopes for the best. YOU will be blessed for that reason. Don’t let what anyone says or does for or against your contribution detract from your kindness.
    Love & hugs to you and Pristine,

    .-= Lorie Shewbridge´s last blog ..Half-Way to St. Patrick’s Day =-.


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