I’ve met with some of Pristine’s classmates’ moms at the school just before the summer vacation started and seeing how our kids interact so well with each other, we’ve exchanged phone numbers and talked about “play dates”. The kids would be happy to see each other during the two-month long summer vacation. Cool.
At one kid’s party we attended, I’ve met two of the moms. I get along well with them and Pristine is so close to their respective kids. In fact, one of them is her best friend. Then the mom told me, “You can send Pristine over to our house to play!” They live just 15 minutes away so I told her I’ll probably send Pristine over on Thursday afternoons AFTER I get home from work.
“Oh, no worries, I can pick her up from your place and bring her to mine.”
I felt uneasy. For the life of me, I couldn’t just send my daughter alone without my supervision in another family’s house. Moms around do it all the time here: send their kids to another kid’s house for play or sleepover, leave them there and just pick them up later. But I just couldn’t do it.
At this point, you can call me paranoid and overprotective. I grew up never having to experience ANY sleepovers because my parents were too. But by the way, I grew up just fine (without the sleepovers, that is).
I told that mom, in the most polite manner I can that it’s either we (me and kid) will go to their place on Thursdays or she can send her daughter to my place anytime. I am confident my mother (who takes care of Pristine while I work) can take care of the girls – though it’s not that I don’t trust whoever is taking care of the children in that mom’s house. For now, that is the logical thing for me. But where do we draw the line between being logical and overprotective?
I am curious – do you send your kid/s to play alone/do sleepovers in their friend’s house?
Finding Backroads 
my parents never allowed me to sleepover at friend’s houses..their was an exception of 2 families, two times. i was permitted to go only on specific occassions. Once i went for a birthday sleepover with about 8 other girls, once when my parents were out of town it was ONLY to those 2 houses ~and in fact, the parents in those houses, happened to be of Indian descent (similar to my parents) and also… happened to be my parents best friends. lol.
When i have children, i will not allow it either. I don’t feel it is necessary to a child to sleep over. They can stay for a while, but not sleep. To this day, i only sleep over on a rare occasion at friends’
Thanks for your input, Sarah. I simply can’t bear the thought my child is left unattended at someone’s house. I was a little angry with my parents for not letting me sleepover at my friend’s house when I was young but now that I’m a mom? I totally know the reason!
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yah I used to go to my cousin’s home one of my best friend but its true I used to feel very uncomfortable there. My daddy still doesnt like of us staying in others home although I am married.
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My children both started staying without me (for daytime playdates) at about age five. They were both more than ready at that age, I didn’t leave them until I was confident of that (and in fact they were pretty much shoving me out the door LOL). Sleepovers come much later. Itai had his first at age 7.5 at the home of my very dear friend, Maya isn’t even close yet. To me, there’s a huge difference in leaving a child at a friend’s house for an hour or two and leaving them for a sleepover. I do make sure I know the parent, and that there will in fact be a parent home, but I’m fine with dropping them off and picking them up later, when they give me a play by play report on all the other kids toys and what they had for dinner – food always tastes better at someone else’s house LOL. By this age, all of their friends are also coming here without parents. Heck, Itai (age 8.5) now walks to his nearby friends himself and walks himself home again later.
Life in Dubai is so transient. The time we get to know each other well, some are saying goodbye…(leaving Dubai for good). Maybe Pristine can go over her friend’s house if I know the parents and trust them enough. Right now, I am just getting to know them…
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My kids sleep over at all their friends houses, as a team (they are 2 years apart) until I know the parents better. I have always encouraged sleep overs as a way to show independence. Nothing bad ever happened. In fact it was very enriching for them. I would not let them go anywhere where I felt a creep-factor (I have pretty good antenna for creepiness). My best memories as a kid were at sleep overs. The first to go to sleep gets their hand covered with whipped cream and then someone tickles their nose (that sort of stuff). I loved it and my kids love it.
Thanks for your comment, Connie.I think we moms all have these sharp antenna for creep factor installed in our systems. You are right.Sleepovers are fun and could teach them independent but right now, we are new here and don’t know anyone too well to let our 5 year old daughter stay in their house.
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Mine’s twelve and they don’t really do sleepovers (boy) but I never did let mine unless I had known the parents for quite awhile. At the beginning, I felt like I forced myself on the other moms because I always said, “oh, I’ll bring lunch for us while the kids play”. I guess they thought I was pretty weird but I wanted to get a feel for them and see what went on over there and I’d do it until I got to know the parent’s.
I wouldn’t drop my child off at a daycare knowing nothing about it, I wouldn’t even take him in a Sunday School class unless I had sat in two or three times first.
Overprotective? Yep.
Did he suffer for it? Nope because I made all the adjustments. At that age, the kids don’t care and if the parent’s did, I’d ask myself why they did?
I completely agree. We should check with the parents first before leaving our children in their house. The thing is, I don’t know my daughter’s classmate’s parents that well. It was so hard declining the invitation as I didn’t want to sound rude and at the same time, protecting my daughter.
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growing up we were never allowed to sleepover anywhere. but in my teenage years, our house is always crowded with friends who comes over to visit us. my mother likes it better that way so she can
I have left Matthew to a neighbor-friend for at most 4-hours, but then she’s a supermom. I know she’s so capable and we do trust them. i think its too soon for you to leave P in ‘them’, especially to someone you just got acquainted to. but would you leave P under MY care for a few hours? 😉
Our house was also crowded before because my parents would prefer our friends to come over than we go to our friend’s house! 🙂
Yes, I would trust you to care for Pristine for a few hours! Of course! because I have known you for years and know that you’re a good mom.
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My boys would go to the next door neighbors house alone, but we had been friend with the couple since the older boys were in Kindergarden together when the family moved in. I would go over to spend time with the mother on several occasions because we were close, she also was their sitter while I worked (3-midnight) before their father came home around 6pm. They also slept over their several times and their son slept over our house. They began to sleep over other people’s houses when they became teenagers, but only after I spoke to the parents about who would be their, and asked what the rules of the house were, and believe it or not, if their were any guns in the house. Then I would drop the boy(s) off, meet the parents, and find all emergency phone numbers and give all my phone numbers. They’re all grown up now and pretty responsible in my opinion.
Only you know your child and what she can handle and how YOU feel and what YOU think is right for you — don’t let anyone tell you what is right or wrong for her. Let your insticts guide your decisions!!
Thanks for commenting, Lorie. I’m glad to know that your boys enjoyed the sleepovers somewhere where it is safe and you trust. I think that is what is stopping me now – we are new here and don’t know anyone pretty well to trust them with our young daughter.
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I don’t think you’re being overprotective at all. Going with Pristine on Thursdays is not the least bit unreasonable. My parents only let us sleep over on rare occasions. I balked at it then, but now I know I’m going to be even more strict about it than they were. You simply cannot be too careful. I am extremely selective about who watches my daughter. Usually it’s my mom; when she can’t it’s my best friend; when she can’t I start to reconsider if what I’m doing really needs to be done. I don’t really do play dates, in so many words, but when my daughter does go somewhere to play, I go, too. My best friend, who is equally selective about who watches her children, and I have noticed that our kids are very confident, and that other children who have had more caretakers are less so. I don’t know if this is directly related or just their personalities, but it is interesting.
Thank you very much for your input. It’s nice to know that some mothers think and do the same as I do.I am also extremely selective as to who watches for my daughter that’s why I could not bring myself to hire a “maid” (although that is very common here in Dubai) and instead asked/begged my mom to come and live with me. I am lucky that she obliged.
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Growing up, I was never allowed to go on sleepovers either and like you, I grew up fine. My dad would say, “You have a bed here at home so you should sleep here.” I used to resent it but now I feel the same way. When Jeolo gets to the age when sleepovers come into question, I’ll have to say “no”.
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Well, as you know I’m not a mom, nor do I ever plan to be, but I don’t think your overprotective. Pristine is just 5, so there’s lots of time for sleepovers when she’s older.
But I think the main thing is that you have to know the parents well, before you can trust them with the safety of your child for a whole night.
When I grew up – back in the Middle Ages – we lived in a very safe neighbourhood, nobody had ever heard of child molesters or anything like that. Everybody in our neighbourhood knew each other, because people had mostly lived there for generations. So our parents let us roam pretty much freely all over the place and we were very independent from an early age on. I think I went on my first sleepover when I was 6 or 7.
I live in the same neighbourhood again today, but if I had kids I wouldn’t be half as complacent about them going off on their own nowadays. Times just have changed and sadly there are many more things parents have to worry about today than there were 30 years ago.
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I think 5 is a bit young.. I remember going to lots of sleepovers, but from age 10 on.. usually for birthdays or with best friends, all who’s parents were very close to mine!
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My daughter who is 7 just recently had an invitation to a sleepover birthday party. I didn’t let her stay but I did leave her for the party till 11pm. I don’t think I will ever let her have a sleepover at any friends’ house except maybe a couple families that we are very close to.
I think it’s normal. You have mommy’s instinct and trust your instinct. If you don’t feel like you have known them enough, then don’t. I rather be safe than sorry. It’s not over protective.
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At five, I would not be comfortable at all. Probably even at 6. I might be comfortable enough at 7.
I’m reading Free Range Kids right now, and it’s very ineresting and I totally get it, but you still have to work where you are at with your comfort level.
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