I am 37 weeks pregnant. That’s considered full term and it won’t be a surprise if the baby decides to come out soon.
Our baby – the one we’ve been waiting for so long. How can I share that feeling with you – Hmmm, imagine that you are about to meet the person you will love your whole life. The love that lasts ‘as long as you live’ kind. Wouldn’t you get excited with that?
But blame the pregnancy hormones – that excitement immediately turns into anxiety at times when I look at my first born. For quite a few years I’ve been enjoying ‘hands free’ parenting. Pristine eats, bathes, changes her clothes, go to the toilet on her own or with only a little help from me. She is about to turn 8 and I look back at all those years of child rearing until she became what she is now…
…those sleepless nights
…the hospital stays during her early years
…the allergic reaction to lots of food that lead me to…my bout with postpartum depression
…first day at school hysteria, just to name a few.
I have to go through those hard road again and honestly, there were obstacles in those roads that makes me shiver. As we bask in the joy of the anticipation of the coming of our second child, I hate myself for having these negative feelings. I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this and spilling it out like no one is reading.
Slapping myself back to reality, I say, “I’ve done this before, surely I can do this now!”
Oh and before I tackle these worries in my head, we are YET to decide a name for the baby!