Yet another post about motherhood.
While I was putting my son to sleep at 3am after a diaper change and feeding, sleep was a remote possibility. When you’re waking up and sleeping again only to wake again so many times in the night, there is really no proper time to sleep and I wasn’t particularly feeling sleepy. Being a new mom (again) is an exciting time for me, after eight long years, here I am back to smelling that sweet baby smell and enjoying my newborn so much that I turn into a stare fool and could not take my eyes off him. But honestly, it is also exhausting – even with my mother on my side who tremendously helps me around. She has helped me regain my strength and nursed me back to health after my c-section surgery.
I am happy but still exhausted. Then I think of my sister in-law or my close friend Rose and Charlotte who didn’t have anyone with them when they had their babies. They did everything on their own. Taking care of the baby, the laundry, cooking, the dishes, they had to do all of that by themselves. They are still on their own right now.
I feel bad. I am spoiled. I do not even have the right to say the word exhausted.
When my mom leaves in about two months (when the baby is almost 3 months old and still small!) I am going to be juggling things like a first time circus juggler. Excuse the pessimism but I simply could not imagine to be able to do everything!
I am scared.
My friend Rose said you gotta do what you gotta do and make do of things when no one is around to help you. And she also said, I can do it (especially if there is no other choice)! I’m going to hold on to that positive advice. And stop myself from counting down the days when help isn’t going to be available anymore.
When my mom leaves, we have the option of hiring a housekeeper or keeping baby Ben into someone’s care outside of our home because I have to go back to work. Both tough decisions I wish I didn’t have to make.