Photo taken from here, for illustration purposes only.
I cry everytime I look at the prescription sheet the ob-gyne gave me. “Infertility” – the word sounds so remote, so alien, unbelievable, not applicable for me. Don’t I have a record of being able to procreate? I am sure the pregnancy and the labor 6 years ago wasn’t an episode of hallucination. I have proof!!
I know it’s common but it never crossed my mind that it would be in my own medical record. I’m a net addict (as if that’s not so obvious) and so far, I’ve read about infertility and it only existed in Mayo Clinic site or in other personal blogs. No, not me. Why now?
Being a mom was a thought I’ve had with me all the time. I love babies and children and wouldn’t mind a 40-hour labor and would go through another natural child birth again for them.
Don’t panic. We can treat this.
The doctor assured me seeing I looked pale sinking on the chair after an internal exam. I hate internal exams by the way, they make me nervous and embarassed. I kept on staring at her notes that read “infertility”. It was the only thing I see and my whole being refused to accept it. This was the reason why I postponed having checked by an ob-gyne. I was afraid of the truth, afraid of what I’d do when a bomb is dropped.
And now the person in front of me dropped the bomb without caution, so simply and plainly, like announcing, “Sorry dear, you’ve got fever.”
I’ll have to undergo further tests like blood test for thyroid and insulin resistance. The doctor suspects PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in my right ovary. But the doctor want to be sure because I don’t have most of the symptoms of having PCOS – except for maybe, difficulty in losing weight.
PCOS is the number one cause of infertility in women.
I couldn’t think straight the whole day. All I want is to curl up in the dark and cry. Weepy days really suck. I called a friend, fought with all my might not to cry (don’t want to startle the people in the office). Instead of sulking around further, I wiped off my tears (I did cry a bit) and told myself I should be alright.
I’m ok now because I should be.