1. Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
2. Most Gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don’t find out til too late that he’s been playing with two queens all along.
3. Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
4. Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
5. The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
6. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
7. Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
8. Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
9. In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
10. It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.
11. The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.
12. The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
13. Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind!!!!!